I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
