drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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