Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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