He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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