I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
