Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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