I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
