if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize