there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
