i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
