You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
