It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
