I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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