My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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