I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need a burrito and a hug.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
