we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
