you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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