are you still at the devil's house?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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