Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
