don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
