after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize