you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
