STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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