i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
