Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
