What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
