last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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