I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
