If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
