Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
