so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
