Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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