Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ttyl tear gas
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
