I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
