just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
