I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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