woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
