My friends, they love my intelligence
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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