Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
barbara walters just said penis...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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