How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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