Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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