i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
