There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
