Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
