I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
