I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
