I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
