Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
