I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
