just come out here and I will go home with you...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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