That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
