ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
