Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
