you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
