butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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