my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
