I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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