It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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