Im at strip club and am horny
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize