So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
