I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk is not a location!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
