I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
