Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
