to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
