That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
