Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
