Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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