Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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