My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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