allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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