I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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