She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize