Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The adults are the big ones right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
