This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
