theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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