If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
operation harelip BJ is a go
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
