I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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