god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize