Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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