TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize