we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
