If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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