i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
