I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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