you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize