one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
