you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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