What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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