How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
