In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
