she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
