Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
