so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
