HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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