Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
