we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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