i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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