so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
