When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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